Three years later and I still won't go back..

Three years later and I won't go back to the bondage of sin. I may not have everything I want, but I have everything I need. God is so faithful and true to me.

Oh the times I've had and the people I've met. Its another world. I know now that I live on this earth but I am not of this world. My way of thinking, acting, dressing, speaking.. I am peculiar, set apart.

God never said this life would be easy. I have my days when I must surely fight if I would reign. The devil and his evil spirits bother me everyday because he knows that he no longer has control over he. He wants me back in sin.. He wants to back to lying, cursing, fornicating, hating, cheating, getting over on people, taking advantage of people.. And anything else!

I won't go back, I won't go back!

I don't want to be tired again... unsatisfied, wishing and searching for some type of fulfillment.

God has filled the emptiness in my heart. When things in life don't work out or when someone I love is ill, His peace and praise is my hiding place.

God's love is indescribably unsearchable!

He has given me a job, a vehicle, friends, opened my eyes to a talent I didn't realize I had, and a hope for what is to come.

How could I ever want to leave such a one as the Almighty God. The creator of the earth. The one that gave Albert Einstein the knowledge and determination to discover, Martin Luther King the courage to stand for the right, Micheal Jordan his skills and Whitney Houston her voice. 

As long as I am walking with God, by obeying his voice and his word, He will not withhold any good thing from me. 

Oh taste and see that the Lord is good. His mercy is everlasting and his truth endureth to all generations. Amen!

It's been almost two whole years!!

It's me again, telling the world my story. It's been almost two whole years since I repented of my sins and God saved my soul! I've had up and down days with tears of fear, anger and joy, but I thank God that through it all, I am still SAVED. This life is so real and so is God. I know he is real and no one can tell me different. I hear his voice guiding me in all that I do. He wants to be in every facet of my life and at times I forget to include him. Even in picking out something to wear for the day God wants to be apart of it. I remember last year sometime I went shopping with my sisters and lets just say it's really difficult for them to find the "right" outfit:) Since money is still short for me I wanted to find an entire outfit that wouldn't cost more than $25. While we shopped I asked God to help each of us to find the right outfit and. . . (drum roll). . . God did just that! I love that I can go to God with the big and little things. I love that he loves me so much despite everything that surrounds me I know that God will care for me. A hymn says, No matter what happens He will care for me and his Mighty Hand will enable me to stand. Thank God!

One thing about this salvation that I did not fully comprehend was the selflessness. I had no idea how selfish I was until I stopped comparing myself to others and started comparing myself to God and his Son, my Savior Jesus Christ. I have so many battles with ME, MYSELF and I. This old flesh wants to have its way all the time. It doesn't like that I've given myself to God. Anything I want to do for God my flesh will fight for me not to do it. I'll give you two examples, the first is my fasting. When I consecrate myself to the Lord. I set aside a day and fast for 12hours(no food or water). I do this because God tells us to in Isaiah 58:6 "Is not this the fast that I have chosen? to loose the bands of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, and to let the oppressed go free, and that ye break every yoke." Fasting is a key tool in over coming many issues in a saved life. Now, to my flesh. Whenever I get to my fast day my flesh is trying to find reasons why I shouldn't fast; headaches, cramps, hunger pains and anything else it can throw at me. That no good devil is also in my ear telling me that fasting doesn't change anything, or that I don't need to fast all day. or that I could fast another day instead of this day. If I listen to the devil I'd never ever fast.

The second is entertainment. I am a huge movie buff. I enjoy Classic noir(All about Eve, My Favorite Wife), Action(The Transporter, Terminator Salvation), Adventure(Lord of the Rings), Scifi(Star Trek, Stargate Atlantis), Family Feature Films(Buttercream Gang), Romance(North and South, Jane Eyre, Persuasion and of course Love comes softly series). . . Whew, and that's not all, but I think you've got the idea :) Some time last year God began to deal with me regarding how much time I was spending watching movies and TV shows on Netflix. I was spending hours watching movies and TV shows and only giving 30mins, 45mins to 1 hour to God. My flesh did not like it when God starting dealing with me. It hurts to see how much time I've wasted. God isn't telling me that he doesn't want me to be entertained, but he does want us to be temperate in all things(I Corinthians 9:25) and to use wisdom, the Bible says "Happy is the man that findeth wisdom, and the man that getteth understanding. " I must plan my day with God not add him in eventually. God Help Me! I still struggle with this, but God is faithful and is so helpful and loving unto me.

My last post I talked about my job situation. God has not seen fit to give the job to me yet, but I know he has one waiting for me and I'm excited to see where he is going to take me next! In the meantime I stay busy helping others, my family and reinforcing my relationship with God

Until next time, God Bless you all!

One day at a time..

So, I've been away for a while. Sorry for the long stretch. I'm just taking it one day at a time. Since my last post I have gained sanctification, Thank the Lord I am sealed in him.

Turning Point

By March of 2009 I began to allow the pressures of life take its toll. Bills are not getting paid, money is low, bank account is in the negative, cell phone is shut off, creditors are calling and whatever else you can think of... So I did the only thing I could think of at the time. I blocked out the world. My bedroom was my haven. I read dozens of romance novels, downloaded movies and any new music almost everyday, watched Cold Case and Without A Trace, and played Spider solitaire for hours. The slightest thing would anger me. Overall, I wasn't good company, lol.

So, one day in June I began to wonder why I even woke up, why I even had to live another day in this world.

I was raised in the Church of God, so actually attempting suicide was out of the question because I believe that Heaven and Hell are very real. But, I allowed the thoughts to linger and June goes by. I felt so useless and a waste of space. I had no idea why I was alive and that hurt me to the core. There were nights when a spiritual fear would come over me. I could feel my heart as if it wanted to come through my chest or explode. I was so afraid that I would die in my sleep that I would stay up til the sun came up. But, once I feel asleep from pure exhaustion I'd wake up and forget about the fear that held me awake all night.

So, July comes around and my birthday is in a few weeks. It comes to no surprise that I was not excited about my coming birthday. I didn't want to celebrate, because turning a year older in my life wasn't anything to celebrate. A week before my birthday I got into a car accident and messed up my car and my right arm. I guess bald tires and rain don't mix, :). I can still visualize the impact. I remember pressing down on the breaks and feeling the tires slide. I tired to maneuver the car with no luck. Without warning the air bag slammed into my chest. As my mind wrapped around the accident I looked down and saw blood on my right forearm and left hand while my upper right arm burned. My chest ached and my nerves were in shock. I remember feeling so small and alone although people surrounded me. Needless to say, after that day my life really began to hit me hard. I knew what I needed, but I fought to stay where I was. To this day I will never understand why I waited so long. Why allowed myself to continue being tortured. A week later on my birthday I went to church http://www.churchofgodofchicago.com/ and gave my life completely to the Lord...

Post Grad

After 4 and a half years at U of I, I finally came home to Chicago. As most graduates I was full of possibilities, hopes, goals, and dreams. My first real 9-5 job was scrounged up by one of my best friends one month after I graduated. It was a customer service position (many of you have to be thinking YUCK, right!?)Most of the time I'd get customers that wanted the world turned around just for them or the ones that complained about every detail. Needless to say, a few months later I officially hated my job and a few months after that realization I was fired- "We feel that you are not invested in the company" was the reason.

So, I took that pink slip and ran, but what I didn't know was that the second great depression was beginning and I was in the center of it. As of today it has been 11 months since I've had a job.

Talk about depressing!!